Wedding Etiquette

I highly recommend Emily Post’s "Wedding Etiquette," Crane’s "Blue Book" and the Bride’s "Book of Etiquette" for answers to questions about invitation addressing. However, not all situations and living arrangements are addressed in these books, and some of the information can be contradictory.

The following are the most common questions asked during my consultations with brides. To save time, I have clarified these answers below:

The word "and" should be spelled out, as in "Mr. and Mrs." for all married couples. Occasionally the calligraphy ampersand needs to be used for a very small envelope, to help shorten the line. I will only do this with permission.
There are no abbreviations used in addressing envelopes, except Mr., Mrs., Dr., Sr., or Jr.
The use of nicknames or abbreviated names is considered inappropriate, unless your affair is one of a casual nature. Middle initials are not used; the full name should be spelled out.

Incorrect Examples:

Mr. and Mrs. Bill Shakespeare
Mr. and Mrs. R.W. Emerson

Correct Examples:

Mr. and Mrs. William Shakespeare
Mr. and Mrs. Ralph Waldo Emerson

The words "and Family" are not used on the outer envelope. To invite children, only first names are listed on the inner envelope, in order of birth, from oldest to youngest.

Example:

Mr. and Mrs. Emerson
Esmeralda and Elliot

If a child living with his/her parents is 16 years or older, he/she should have their own invitation. The title "Miss" or "Master" is used for children.
"Mrs." is used for widows only, or if a married woman is attending alone. All others should use the title "Ms." (Single or divorced women).
If two adults (brother and sister, mother and adult daughter, etc.) are living together, they should receive separate invitations.
For instances where the wife has chosen to retain her maiden name after marriage, two lines are used, with the word “and”, to denote them as a married couple.

Example:

Mr. Robert Jones

and Ms. Susan Smith

For couples living together, two lines are used, with no “and”. If you know both people equally well, the woman’s name comes first, with the man’s name dropping down to the second line. If you know the man better, his name should appear first.

Example:

Ms. Susan Smith
Mr. Robert Jones
123 Fourth Avenue
New York, New York 10001

The words "and Guest" (capital G) are not used on the outer envelope. They are, however, used on the inner envelope, but only if the guest is truly not known. If the guest is known, please include the full name of the guest with title, which will appear on the inner envelope with the invitee.
Gay couples are listed on two lines, with the most familiar partner listed first.
From religious to military to occupational, full and proper titles are always used.

Example:

The Reverend, Rabbi, The Honorable, Sergeant, Captain, Dr., etc.

The word “Apartment”, “Penthouse”, “Suite”, or “Unit” is always on a separate line, under the street address. Especially in city areas, the Postal Service prefers it this way; this is how their computers need to read the address for proper sorting and expedited delivery.

Example:

Mr. and Mrs. William Shakespeare
123 Fourth Avenue

Apartment 14B
New York, New York 10001

Finally, please remember that there are no "invitation police."

A good calligrapher is well versed in the details of proper etiquette and happy to share all pertinent information. Our job is to inform, educate and make you look good. In the end, the most important thing is doing what feels the most comfortable for you.